White fear || Hindi Poem | सफ़ेद डर || हिन्दी कविता
One winter evening in 2019, I found myself lost in thought, marveling at the infinite possibilities a blank sheet of paper holds. In its pristine state, it could become anything. Perhaps it would be printed upon—a mere receipt in the hands of a shopkeeper. Or maybe, an author would grace it with words, weaving a masterpiece that tugs at hearts. A child might scrawl across it in chaotic innocence, or simply tear it into fragments.
I can’t quite recall the moment when this quiet musing turned into an unsettling fear—the fear of placing my pen on paper. A thought crept into my mind: “The instant I make my first mark, I am erasing every other possibility this blank page could have embraced. It will forever bear the identity of a poem—nothing else.“
That very thought took form in a Marathi free verse. I have already shared on my blog. Recently, I have been sharing translations of my poems. Today, I bring you Hindi translation of शुभ्र भीती. I hope, I have done justice to the essence of the original.
शुभ्र भीती
मला ना, पांढऱ्या शुभ्र कागदाची फार भीती वाटते.
भीती वाटते त्यावर पेन टेकवून पहिला काळा ठिपका ठेवायची.
अनंत शक्यता उराशी घेऊन असते त्याची ती शुभ्रता.
आणि त्यातल्या किती तरी शक्यतांचा एका अर्थाने मी खूनच करतो,
ज्या क्षणी त्यावर मी माझा पेन टेकवतो.
मनातून कविता पाझरत असते अगदी अवखळपणे, शब्दामागुन शब्द,
ओळींमागुन ओळी.
पण मन मात्र धजत नाही त्या कागदावर उतरवून ठेवायला.
चुकून हातावर शाई आलीच लिहितांना तर उगाच वाटत राहतं माझा हात जणू त्या कागदाच्या रक्ताने माखलाय, कारण…
कारण, मी खून केलाय त्या अनंत शक्यतांचा माझ्या पेनाच्या एका ठीपक्यानी.
म्हणूनच मला पांढऱ्याशुभ्र कागदाची फार फार भीती वाटते.
—
आदित्य साठे
सफ़ेद डर
मुझे, सफ़ेद कागज़ से बहुत बहुत डर लगता है।
डर लगता है जब मैं सोचता हूं उस पर कलम रख कर पहला काला निशान लगाने से।
अनगिनत संभावनाएं अपने में समेटे होती है उसकी सफेदी।
और जिस पल मैं उसपर अपनी कलम रख देता हु, मानो उनमें से कई संभावनाओं का मै खून करता हूं।
मन में कविता मानो झरने जैसी बह रही है, सारे शब्द एक के बाद एक जैसे मानो कोई लड़ी लगी हो।
पर हिम्मत नहीं होती उन्हें कागज़ पर उतारने की।
गलतीसे अगर हाथ पर स्याही आ ही गई लिखते वक्त,
तो बेवजह लगता रहता है, के मेरे हाथ उस कागज़ के खून से सने है, क्यों के…
क्यों के, मैने खून किया है उन अनंत संभावनाओं का मेरी कलम के एक निशान से।
और इसी लिए मुझे सफ़ेद कागज़ से बहुत बहुत डर लगता है।
—
आदित्य साठे
This blog post is part of ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla.
Read more of my poems here.
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You know when I heard this poem in marathi for the first time, I realised, how deeply you think… To what extent you can feel the emotions and how skillfull you are in articulating your thoughts. I thought, that was it. Shubhra Bheeti can’t be spoken in any better way.
Now that I read it in hindi… The essence remains.
While reading Safed Dar (White Fear), I couldn’t help but relate to how society’s obsession with fair skin affects self-worth. I have seen how these unrealistic beauty standards make people question their own appearance, and at times, I have felt the same pressure. I’ve learned over time that real beauty lies in self-acceptance, but it’s not always easy to ignore societal expectations.
You have beautifully captured the hesitation and fear that come with creating something new in this poem. The imagery of infinite possibilities and the weight of the first mark on a blank page is so powerful.
I wish I could read and get the essence of the poem. I do understand the title but my Hindi is so poor that reading the poem is a task for me.
Adi…how can you imagine in this way. कारण फक्तं सफेद कागद आणि तुमच्या भावना…. awesome creativity.. खून करणे त्या शुभ्र सफेद कागदाचा…it gives me goosebumps. तुमचे शब्द, तुमच्या भावना खूपच powerful आहेत.
Thank you so much! कधी काय कल्पना डोक्यात येईल काही सांगता येत नाही बघा. सुचून जातात अशा गोष्टी कधी कधी.
That was an unique perspective. Usually we think of the countless possibilities a blank page holds but this poem reveals when you think beyond. Thanks to your translation, i got to know about this beautiful poem. Your writing like always has the depth and warmth to stirr the soul!
You praise me highly! I am humbled. I am still leaerning the art and craft of the poetry. 🙂
A very beautiful thought, catching the paper’s pristine look. And how ink changes that. We have never thought what the paper thinks. I like the way you turned this into a soulful poem.
Thanks for your encouraging comment!
From the little Marathi that I know, Aditya this is a great translation, and your Hindi is exemplary. I think the creator only can do justice to a translation, you can see the soul of the writing here.
These translations have helped me to hone my Hindi skills. I am glad that they are getting better.
The hesitation to create new out of a blank white canvas is real. What if it does not turn out as we expected? The poem is deep.
Brilliant! The fearful guilt of murdering a million potentials to give life to one idea! Seems cruel indeed. Absolutely loved the idea. Kudos. And I also have to thank you for making me read Hindi again and get better at it, slowly but steadily. It’s a long, long time since I read Hindi, and now I feel I haven’t forgotten it at all, all thanks to your poems.
I am glad you liked the thought. Hope my work keeps giving you joy of enjoying the language and art.
That’s why we should embrace digital writing, lol
Jokes apart, loved the deep thought behind this. Isn’t this also true for the opportunities and missed chances, though? We choose one thing and let go of some many others, don’t they also die, thus making us a murderer?
That’s precisely the thought behind “शुभ्र भीती/सफ़ेद डर”
You are an excellent poet Aditya! Everytime I read your Musings, I am mesmerised.
I love Marathi, the sound of it! So, I read it aloud to feel how the words sound. Unfortunately, I don’t know Marathi.
Beautiful poem. As you feel for the blank page, somewhere I read someone talking similarly about breaking a flower from the plant.
Thought of plucking a flower from a plant is also interesting! I will keep that in mind. Hope my Hindi translation have worked well for you to understand the thought.
This is such an interesting thought – that by inking a page you are extinguishing all its other possible futures! Loved it! But then also, by inking it, you are giving it a new shape, a beautiful identity….
Thank you for sharing your version through this translation!
Have you thought that the white page was destined to carry your poem, your thoughts? You’ve given it a life by pouring down your feelings on it. Better than being defaced and torn any day.